Supporting a loved one struggling with addiction can be challenging, to say the least. Watching someone you care about wrestle with substance abuse can cause fear, anxiety, and pain, whether they’re a child, parent, sibling, or close friend. It can be difficult to know what to do or what to say to a loved one to save their life, and it can be tempting to give up on them entirely.
Fortunately, they’re not alone, and neither are you. There are many ways to offer a loved one help and encouragement on their recovery journey. It starts with understanding what they’re going through and empathizing with them, and it ends with working alongside them to find the help they need to live a life free from substance use.
What You Need to Know to Help a Loved One Struggling With Addiction
The first step is learning about addiction’s nature and its effects on those struggling with it. This can help you choose the best way to approach your loved one with empathy and compassion rather than judgment or scorn. Take time to learn about the available options for treatment, support groups, and various resources in the area that can make all the difference in your loved one’s life. Knowing these options will allow you to provide the right information at the right time.
The next step involves establishing open and honest communication between you and your loved one. Show that you’re there to support rather than to judge or fix them and encourage them to consider getting treatment from professional therapists at a facility. However, brace yourself for some backlash, as those struggling with addiction can feel cornered or threatened if the information isn’t conveyed with love and genuine concern for their well-being.
Feelings of shame or guilt can cloud their judgment and cause them to reject anything you say. But if you emphasize the fact that you don’t judge them and that their addiction is treatable and not a permanent part of who they are, you could see progress. You can show your support by offering to go with them to appointments, therapy sessions, or group meetings, giving them the love and care they need from you to see this through.
However, you both must encourage the good and separate yourself from the bad. To this end, you can consider setting healthy boundaries that protect and prevent you from enabling. Lending money and looking the other way may seem like ways to be loving to them, but the reality is that you’re just enabling their addiction. The best thing to do is set these boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship throughout the treatment process that can flourish once your loved one is sober.
Even though addiction is treatable, it doesn’t divert responsibility. Encourage your loved one to take ownership of their recovery and adopt the mindset that it won’t happen if they don’t want it. Even though addiction can be treated, it doesn’t divert responsibility. Encourage your loved one to take ownership of their recovery and adopt the mindset that it won’t happen if they don’t want it.
Signs of Addiction
You may be unsure if your loved one is struggling with substance use. Addiction can show itself in various ways, affecting every aspect of life. These can range from small behavioral changes to substantial changes in a person’s physical appearance. Understanding and seeing these changes as potential red flags could alert you to a deeper issue. Some common signs include:
- Cravings
- Inability to stop regardless of negative consequences
- Prioritizing substance use over responsibilities
- The development of tolerance or needing more of the substance to achieve the same effect.
- Withdrawal symptoms that appear when the person stops using for a period
Ultimately, if this person is close to you, you likely know how they think and behave daily. If you start noticing oddities in their behavior or changes in their mood and attitude, it may be a sign that substance abuse is at play.
Behavioral and Physical
Often, the most obvious signs of addiction are physical and behavioral. Observing these in a loved one can give you insight into a loved one’s struggle with substance abuse. It’s important to start with the fact that addiction hijacks a person’s mind and can cause them to do or say things that would have been unthinkable before. Using this as a starting point can help you have more empathy toward them. What they’re doing is likely not a personal attack; they are acting in a way that protects and fosters their substance use.
From a behavioral standpoint, you’ll start to notice a shift in the person’s priorities. Someone in the throes of addiction might start to ignore, or neglect responsibilities or activities they previously felt were important. As they grow more attached to their substance abuse, obligations at work, school, family responsibilities, finances, friends, and even personal hygiene can all suffer.
Another common behavioral sign comes with deceptive behavior. Your loved one might go to great lengths to hide their addiction from you and those around them. This can include lying about their activities, whereabouts, and true relationship with the substance. Someone struggling with alcohol abuse, for example, might claim that they rarely drink or disappear for long periods and provide an excuse for where they’ve been that doesn’t add up with their previous behavior. The reality is that they are likely preferring to spend time with others who use the substance and are withdrawing from those that might disagree with their choices.
Physical signs of addiction can manifest in various ways, depending on the substance or behavior involved. For example, individuals struggling with drug addiction may exhibit physical symptoms such as:
- Bloodshot eyes
- Dilated or constricted pupils
- Slurred speech
- Unsteady gait
- Noticeable weight loss or gain
They may also experience changes in appetite, disrupted sleep patterns, and a decline in overall physical health. In the case of behavioral addictions, such as gambling or gaming, physical signs may include repetitive strain injuries, sleep deprivation, and neglecting basic self-care, leading to deteriorating physical well-being.
Understanding Your Role in Your Loved One’s Recovery
As we’ve mentioned, empathy and genuine support are the best approaches. Framing your loved one as a project that needs fixing or a problem to be solved will only cause them to put up their defenses and push you away, making it extremely challenging for you to convince them that they need treatment. Instead, see this as a collaborative effort to restore a relationship. Show that you’re willing to put in the effort and help them regain control over their lives.
However, you are not their savior. Your effort alone can’t get them to put addiction behind them. The person critical to this process is the person who has an addiction. No amount of pressure, coercion, guilt, or professional help can make a difference if the person is unwilling to change or doesn’t see their substance abuse as a problem. People who successfully achieve sobriety are always the ones that made the mental switch to actually want to be sober.
Even so, understand that treatment doesn’t end once the therapy sessions end. Recovery is a lifelong process, as relapse is always possible. Therapy can help equip your loved one with the mental tools they need to avoid and combat these relapse triggers, but it’s up to them to implement them. You can help by never purposefully exposing them to situations that might compromise their sobriety—even years down the road. Your dad might have his 20-year chip, but that doesn’t mean you can start getting him whiskey for his birthday. Relapse can be a slippery and dangerous slope, so protect them by helping them fight it.
Helping Them Pick the Treatment That Is Right for Them
Choosing the best addiction treatment center is a crucial decision that can greatly affect an individual’s recovery journey.
For starters, examining the treatment center’s approach and philosophy is important. Different facilities offer varying treatment modalities, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), individual counseling, group sessions, or holistic approaches. Also, a facility specializing in including loved ones and family members using the Family Systems Theory can be crucial. It is important to understand the specific needs of the person seeking treatment and find a treatment program that aligns with those needs. Additionally, considering the center’s success rates, accreditation, and staff qualifications can provide insight into the quality of care they offer.
Look for centers that conduct comprehensive assessments and create customized treatment plans to address the specific challenges and underlying factors contributing to addiction. Also, be sure to ask about the staff-to-patient ratio to ensure your loved one receives adequate attention and support throughout their recovery process.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How do I cope with my loved one’s addiction?
During a person’s addiction and recovery, it can be easy to have the center of focus be on the individual struggling with addiction. However, those closest to that person are often overlooked, along with their struggles. You may be dealing with a situation where your loved one is lying, stealing, or hurting you. You may even be fearing physical harm. If you are, it’s best to extricate yourself from that environment and seek professional help immediately. In any case, it’s important to practice self-care. You don’t want to help your loved one at the cost of your mental or physical health. Many groups and resources are available to the loved ones and families of a person in need of treatment.
Who can I call to get my loved one into addiction treatment?
Our call center is available 24/7 to work with you and develop a plan to get your loved one the help he or she needs to find freedom from addiction. Depending on the substance and the severity of the addiction, every passing hour counts. So don’t hesitate—help your loved one regain control over their life.
Why do addicts push loved ones away?
Addiction can lead to a profound sense of guilt and shame. Individuals with addiction may feel ashamed of their behavior, choices, and how their substance dependence affects their loved ones. This shame can make them believe they are unworthy of love and support, leading them to distance themselves from those who care about them. By pushing loved ones away, addicts may attempt to shield them from the pain, disappointment, and frustration caused by their addiction.
It’s important to note that these reasons for pushing loved ones away are not excuses for the behavior. Rather, they are insights into the complex dynamics of addiction. Understanding these underlying factors can help loved ones approach the situation with empathy, compassion, and a greater awareness of the challenges the person is facing.
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